October 1, 2008

Whether Truth or Lie – One Man’s thoughts on how a woman’s brain works

Posted in belief, decision making, guys, Humor, lie of the day, life, men, opinion, women tagged , , , , , , , , , , at 2:57 am by keithwilbur

I have my theory about unhappy people. You know the people that never smile if you say ‘hi’ to them. They give you the I know what you really mean grunt or the stare of death.

Truth is, I found if you’re extra nice toward one of these people they only get worse. Anyway, back to my theory ( and please women this is not a knock on women )  it’s just a theory I have – it’s how a man thinks your thinking works. You may have a different theory and who knows one of us may be right. I think all unhappiness is caused by unhappy women and when their men come in contact with them, they become unhappy to, as no woman will allow her man happiness above her own feelings. Again this is just a theory of mine. What do I know?

So you ask why would women be so unhappy? Well that is simple. Women think to much and hold on to past hurts. Women think that all women’s hurts must be the result of some bastard of a man.

I was talking to my own mother about a movie she saw the other day. She went on and on how the men were all bastards towards the woman in this movie. She was cranky all day over this movie. It’s a damn movie! I’m thinking to myself.

So here it is: whether truth or lie – it is this type of thinking on the part of women that is keeping me single.

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Is this a real Management Course? Truth or Lie?

Posted in Business, Comedy, Humor, lie of the day, life, management, Work tagged , , , , , at 12:31 am by jimwilbur

Lesson 1: 

  • A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, ‘I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.’
  • After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
  • The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, ‘Who was that?’
  • ‘It was Bob the next door neighbor,’ she replies.
  • ‘Great!’ the husband says, ‘did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?’

Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2:

  • A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, ‘I’ll give each of you just one wish. ‘Me first! Me first!’ says the admin clerk. ‘I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.’ Puff! She’s gone. ‘Me next! Me next!’ says the sales rep. ‘I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pena Coladas and the love of my life.’ Puff! He’s gone.
  • ‘OK, you’re up,’ the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, ‘I want those two back in the office after lunch.’

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 3:

  • An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, ‘Can I also sit like you and do nothing?’ The eagle answered: ‘Sure, why not.’ So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 4:

  • A turkey was chatting with a bull. ‘I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,’ sighed the turkey, ‘but I haven’t got the energy.’ 
  • ‘Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?’ replied the bull, ‘they’re packed with nutrients.’
  • The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.

THIS CONCLUDES THE 5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE