October 1, 2008

Is this a real Management Course? Truth or Lie?

Posted in Business, Comedy, Humor, lie of the day, life, management, Work tagged , , , , , at 12:31 am by jimwilbur

Lesson 1: 

  • A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, ‘I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.’
  • After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
  • The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, ‘Who was that?’
  • ‘It was Bob the next door neighbor,’ she replies.
  • ‘Great!’ the husband says, ‘did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?’

Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2:

  • A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, ‘I’ll give each of you just one wish. ‘Me first! Me first!’ says the admin clerk. ‘I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.’ Puff! She’s gone. ‘Me next! Me next!’ says the sales rep. ‘I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pena Coladas and the love of my life.’ Puff! He’s gone.
  • ‘OK, you’re up,’ the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, ‘I want those two back in the office after lunch.’

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 3:

  • An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, ‘Can I also sit like you and do nothing?’ The eagle answered: ‘Sure, why not.’ So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 4:

  • A turkey was chatting with a bull. ‘I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,’ sighed the turkey, ‘but I haven’t got the energy.’ 
  • ‘Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?’ replied the bull, ‘they’re packed with nutrients.’
  • The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.

THIS CONCLUDES THE 5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

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September 27, 2008

Is this the attitude a Perfect Employee should have? Truth or Lie?

Posted in America, Comedy, crazy life in America, Humor, lie of the day, life, on the job, satire, Society, Work tagged , , , , , , at 11:19 pm by jimwilbur

1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4pm and then bring it in to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.

2. If it’s a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how I am doing. That helps. Or even better, hover behind me, advising my every keystroke.

3. Always leave without telling anyone where you are going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.

4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books or supplies, don’t open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training.

5. If you give me more than one job to do, don’t tell me which is the priority. I am psychic.

6. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.

7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.

8. If you don’t like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations.

9. I was born to be whipped.

10. If you have special instructions for a job, don’t write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.

11. Never introduce me to people you are with. I have no right to know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.

12 Be nice to me only when the job I am doing for you could really change your life and send you straight to manager’s hell.

13. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any, and its nice to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about having to pay so much taxes on the bonus cheque you received for being such a good manager.

14. Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goal SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of living increase. I’m not here for the money anyway.

September 20, 2008

Should Prostitution be Illegal? Truth or Lie

Posted in America, Business, Crime and Punishment, decision making, Medical Conditions, men, Politics, responsibility, Society, women, Work tagged , , , , , , , , , , at 2:46 pm by keithwilbur

Worlds oldest profession, right?

I have frequently heard it said that prostitution is a gateway to drugs and crime. It seems to me that this is true but only because prostitution is illegal and forced to be practiced in league with other illegal activities. Through forced association, prostitution does become a gateway to other crimes.

If prostitution were legal it would be regulated like any other business. Prostitutes would be sex workers with rights and privileges, advantages and disadvantages like any other employee. There would be some crime and corruption no doubt, to the extent that there is crime and corruption in legitimate businesses not forced into association with illegal activities. Prostitution would become a service oriented business.

There are many lonely people who for one reason or another are not able to have normal relationships with benefits of sharing in a sexual way. The reasons for this may be medical, emotional, self-esteem issues, perceived social status or fear of intimacy and there there are likely many reasons I have not thought of that some men and woman might want or need this service. As citizens in a free country, I think their reasons for wanting or needing this service are none of my business. Legalizing prostitution would lessen the tax burden on the average citizen because these businesses would pay taxes and contribute to the welfare of the community by doing so. The cost of law enforcement could be reduced or the resources available to law enforcement currently be used to enforce laws against sex business could be redirected toward actual heinous criminal activities that actually DO harm to citizens such as those crimes related to violence, fraud and deception.


To further refine the title question: Why do taxpayers allow tax dollars to be wasted through criminalization of behaviors that may be deemed distasteful but that do not harm then further waste tax dollars to enforce those same laws?

It just makes sense to mind our own business, to allow people who want to provide these services and people who want to use these services the freedom to do so.

September 8, 2008

All work and no play? truth or lie

Posted in Business, Humor, on the job, Personal, Republicans, Society, Trends, Work tagged , , , , at 8:22 am by keithwilbur

It seems that during the past few years more and more people have been forced to work two jobs. No doubt if they are married chances are good that both spouses are working full time. Now with cell phones bosses, rather than having an eight hour day it seems that more people are being forced to be available by phone during what used to be their own private time.

Is it just me or are we all working too much, too long and don’t have enough time to play?

September 7, 2008

The Gray Area: Is It Used To Much – Truth Or Lie?

Posted in Business, Cheating, decision making, Integrity, on the job, Personal, responsibility, trust tagged , , , , , , , , , , at 1:15 pm by keithwilbur

“Hypothetical: “ Suppose you are a taxi driver. One morning you go to work and have coffee with a co-worker. She tells you how she made over $200.00 helping a person she was sure was a drug dealer by driving him around town in her taxi to do what she believed were drug deals.

This co-worker considers herself a responsible, good citizen who is doing nothing wrong in this particular case. She considers this a gray area. She is turning a blind eye toward what this passenger might be doing because she profits by being his driver.

Do you have situations in your life with gray areas and where do you draw the line?

August 23, 2008

Passing the buck

Posted in Blame, Business, on the job, Personal, Smear Campaigns, Work tagged , , , , , at 11:08 pm by keithwilbur

If you screwed up at work, so badly you thought it might cost you your job; would you consider passing the buck to save your own ass by lying and blaming another worker who is a good friend?

Whatever is only almost true is quite false, and among the most dangerous of errors, because being so near truth, it is the more likely to lead astray.

–Henry Ward Beecher